I’m Not Ok, Cupid.
Two summers ago, I signed up for okcupid. Since then i’ve been on dates with about ten girls. Some have been very good, some have been exquisitely bad, as I’ve wrote about here before. The one time I have fallen in to painful hollywood love, was with someone through okcupid; she then broke my heart, and made her bed in the fragments of it. I’ve dated a supermodel through it, I’ve dated a hawaiian girl with tattoos of turtles on her back. This summer, I met a south american girl, who was studying in America.
Her mother was of a high rank in the UN and based in geneva, and on her way back to the states was going to spend a month in England, at a friend’s. she was like most girls on okcupid; interesting in both looks and personality. not altogether beautiful, but not ugly either. We talked for a few months before she came here. First, by type, then, by skype. We met and walked around london, and I had Sheila by jamie T stuck in my head. we got drunk on the south bank and she tried to give me a hand job sitting on a bench next to the river. We spent a month together, but I was moving and preoccupied with that, so I couldn’t see her as often as I’d like. We slept together only once, a few days before she left. I woke up at four in the morning with the worst headache i’ve ever had. Soon after, my teeth started hurting again.
When she left, I was in a lot of pain, and it was raining, and cold. It wasn’t the best goodbye, and we stopped talking. We skyped last week for the first time in 7 months, and first we talked about my new place, and my new job, and then we talked about what she had done.
She told me about the party, about the guy she was kissing, about how she got so drunk, and how she tried to sneak away and pass out in an empty room. Then she described waking up, with him next to her, kissing her neck, telling her that he wanted her. She said she wasn’t ready, that they had just met. but he kept kissing her, and it didn’t feel bad, it was just, she didn’t want to have sex. she just wanted to go back to sleep. he got on top of her, and started to screw her, she started to cry.
Afterwards she told me how she started putting her life back together, and how she kept seeing him at parties on the rare occassion she would leave the house. I don’t think I said a word. we talked about other things, about school, and about her parents. I still don’t think I said very much. I said it was nice to see her, nice to talk to her, and that we will skype again soon.